cant sleep

assalamualaikum,
its 1.40 am and my eyes just tooooo stuborn to shut. and its been like this for a week nw. bikin badmud skaliii. ahh well maybe i just got too much to think before bed. just a lot. nvr in my life i experience this kind of feeling.. thoughts.. and maybe even love. ah well..im not that love dovey clingy or dependent type of girl.... im just not like that,

come on lah nurul.. u knw this is so wrong.. but mcm lagu c selena gomez, the heart wants what it wants, im just confused rite nw.. i knw he love me. i knw that.. i do. and the feeling is mutual. knplah skrg br begini..why not dr dulu zmn2 study duloo. why nw? im just too old for this kinda stuff nw. and he is too young. so many question and im not even sure if ive got all the answer.

i knw myself well. im not that much of a saint. tp im sure im not that bad type of a person either.. i always think before saying or do anything. maybe a lil bit too much. and nw im listening to benzoloo while writing all this stuff. hmmmm. i need a getaway frm all this.. but i cant just run and pretend like nothing happen. im just not that person. but nw im glad. HE started to get me. no more diam2.no more ignore2. nda puas hati ckp straight to my face. sy bukan ada kuasa baca pikiran orgkannn. sy nda suka men teka2. mls. despite all the things ive done to hurt HIM. he stay.. despite all the things he done to hurt ME. i stay. is this love??? seriously? tp bila pikir2 blk.. i give him nothing.. he gave me nothing.. all we ever did is talk.. long conversation about everything until we've lost track of time. its simple.. we found each other because of that comfort feeling talking about whats popping out frm our mind at that time. private stuff about life, family and LOVE. despite all the fights.. the breakup and the makeup.. we're still together. but still.. this is just not fair.. not fair to ME, HIM and HER.

i need to put myself together and settle everything once and for all. betul ckp kwn sy. stop wasting my time. maybe i deserve someone better in life.that i should set my standards a lil bit higher kan. stop being childish. maybe i should start being the bigger person in this relationship. END this.. walk away..

but despite knowing all this.. why in the world KITA still together. maybe ur rite..KISAH kita belum the END lagi. we nvr knw. but i knw that deep down inside ada tu "if only", "what if". i need to stop being sad.. "la tahzan.. rabunaa ma' ana". Allah SWT tau.. jodoh, ajal, maut di tangan dia yg maha esa. kita patut besyukur sbb dgn dugaan kecil beginilah kita tau.. Allah SWT menguji hambanya kerana mahu kita sedar dari kekhilafan diri.. be a better person.. redha dengan takdir and ketentuannya, bersyukur, and most importantly sentiasa ingat dan berdoa.. i need to remind myself about this over and over again.. manusiakan muda lupa... cukuplah smpi cni.. merapu sudah telampau.

"k" bai.

weight and fat~ please go away.

salam all...its been a while..im sure. lalalala

ivee been super duper busy this year.. forgot about my mission on updating my blog regularly. we got this sports stuff di opiss..and my bro got engaged..and my cousin just got married..hmmm what else? thats just it..  and not to forget teda yg baru pasal yours tru;y "me", oh wait..ive lost some weight..try on losing more for health reason. so i can live healthy and happy..and senang shopping baju hehehe.

speaking about weight and fat. ive just learned that losing weight is not all about "not eating". its about eating right. my past experience on dieting i tried to cut all carbs and sugar intake.. i ate like 1 time a day..and when i got hungry i will just consume lots of water and its working..i lost more than 10kg at that time in a very short period..but i look tired and lamasss all the time. sikit lagi pingsan owhh. . but when i stop, i gained back the 10kg i lost in like a month or so. this kind of diet made my body weak. dissapointing i knw.. but now my diet is all about eating right and quantity.. and never skip breakfast. i eat almost anything i want, but watch out! everything came in small amount. eg. this morning i ate like quarter plate of fried rice with fried chicken (dont sound healthy at all kan).heavy but again..small amount and it still  keep my tummy full till lunch. i even try to avoid eating anything after 6pm.. its ok if i still eat but againnn small amount.. like my uncle said to me "eat whatever you want to while you still can..when you got old and sick everything  you can eat is tasteless porridge and plain water..while your dessert will be medicine and vitamins.. at that time you gonna regret it."...choosing your meal could be tricky..but what the heck~ live your life your own way but dont ignore the important stuff like health. anyways everyone got different type of body so you gonna have to find your type of diet that suit you the best.

well i think thats all for now its almost maghrib time. wassalam.. 

pray for gaza.

salam, its tuesday morning. baru mau kasi panas enjin before start my daily work; so ive decided to read some news. the recent news that really hit people all over the world with sadnest and anger towards israel. im trying to find the best words to describe the feeling of people in gaza but when i try to type it, it will always end with me pressing the backspace button. theres no words can describe the attacks and cruelty of israeli towards gaza. this just made me feel like i want to do or at least say something to people in gaza like stay strong, people all around the world got you back. we hate israel! we condemn israel!...but the truth is israeli still attacks gaza. many people have died and injured. innocent children died for something that they dont even understand.

'At least 105 people have died in the Gaza Strip in six days of violence, Hamas officials say, as Israeli forces continue their bombardment' - BBC News.

you can read full news here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-20391558

whatever the israeli reasons were, war was never the answer, killing was never the answer, violent and cruelty was never the answer or solution!. as for today, as a muslim and a human being. let us all pray for gaza and pray for the war/attacks to end.

"ya Allah please save our brother and sister, please give them strength and save them from the violent and cruelty of the Zionis Regime. amin ya rabbal alamin"

wassalam..

salam jumaat..

salam jumaat buat semua muslimin muslimat sekalian..semoga hari ini membawa lebih rahmat dan barakah dari Allah SWT hendaknya  . aminn. seluruh umat islam baru sahaja menyambut kehadiran awal muharam iaitu tahun baru bagi umat islam. so, apa azam baru tahun ini? me personally, as a muslim; azam baru tahun ini ialah untuk menjadi seorang muslim yang lebih baik dari segi ibadah dan juga kebajikan. i want to be a better person by trying to be a better muslim, daughter, sister, niece, grandchild, friend and worker to everyone. leaving the bitter past and trying on making an owesome future from it. The most important ialah mencari kerja yang lebih baik insyallah. its been tough for me after graduation. job hunting is not an easy task for me. i need more motivation and a clear mission and vision on what i really wanted. bukan mahu jadi cerewet atau memilih kerja but seriously ive done all. waitressing, salesperson, and clerk job. im not looking for high position job. cukuplah sekadar kerja yang really make me happy doing. job that help me to be a better person, not a job that make me the crapiest person. kerja yang membolehkan saya spend time dengan family secukupnya, kerja yang sederhana. and to be honest im not looking to be the richest person or the most successful person. i know berjaya dalam hidup ialah pencapaian yang di impikan semua orang.its a good thing. im sorry yang cita2 saya ialah untuk menjadi orang yang sederhana and simple. im not looking forward to have my name in the "most successful person on earth" book. being happy and simple are the best! but clearly im not even close to that for now. i love my job, but the salary sucks! thats what dissapointed me the most. my new years resolution as a person and citizen of Malaysia. defi nitely looking/searching for better job. btw my dream of becoming a simple and aspiring teacher is not dead yet. im still looking forward on that. im inspired to become a teacher when most of my family members are teacher. my experience as a replacement teacher for 3 month really just made my mind on becoming a real teacher. its amazed me to see children progress in study and to see the concentration in something simple like "draw a bear". i still remember how quite it was. bunyi burung pipit sayup2 pun macam dengar bunyi dari speaker. concentrating in that one simple task that they dont even noticed that time flew fast. time mengajar budak2 pra sekolah was the best experience ever. to be able to help them in a way that really just make you feel so good and happy. the kids didnt just learned from me. but i did learn from them as well. as an adult we grew older and age took all the simplicity and the fun of being a kid. when im around them all that memory come back to me like a meteor. the kids has truly taught me about honesty, hardwork, friendship, sharing, caring, helping, and being happy.~ kudos to all lucky teacher out there. being a teacher is a gift! everyday dapat pahala berlipat kali ganda sebagai seorng guru. so embrace it, be happy, dont be to hard on your students and yourself, enjoy every moment of it and most importantly carry it honestly and sincerely. well thats all for today..salam maal hijrah semua~

wassalam.

manners and kesabaran

salam thursday all.
today is like any other regular day for me, except the part where people around keep showing less and less and less manners among each other. it requires great patient (kesabaran) on handling this matters. as an example like what happen this morning when this white collar and respective man start shouting at you for the reason that you already gave to him. macam no use in explaining to him over and over again.."sir, we have no record of this." so crystal clear..but he keep insisting on "so, what can u do?". well guess what?? "NOTHING"!!. no record means no record. nothing i can do.. i can give you some suggestion. but in my work field theres nothing i can do ok! its like hes asking me bring that kfc chicken back alive. its out of my control man! but no..nda pandai faham.. and keep insisting to bring this things forward to my superior. what can he do???there NO RECORD. be creativelah. find other way. so what if youre dealing and need to explain it with tan sri or datuk. nyamuk yang di marah. kelambu yang di bakar! nonsense. u got a job worth almost 10k per month. if you cant use that big head of yours to find a solution u better quit and give your position to somebody who actually got more brain than you! and honestly..this is my honest opinion on people like you..well anyway like i said early..kesabaran sangat penting..so all i have to do is calm my self deal this things as best as you can. rememer nurul! "treat others the  way you want to be treated"!

to let go~the hardest thing ever!

hello all, asalamualaikum. this is my second post for today.

clearly today is one of the hardest and annoying day ever!. the hardest because i have to let go 1 of my kitty cat. i know its time for me to let go one of them eventually. i cannot afford to take care too many kitty cat. every single person at home complaining about the smell, the cat food, the white fur everywhere.. etc 2! to actually selling one of my cutest kitty is my hardest thing ever but it could be my best choice or worse. im gonna miss u kapas!!! (picture)im hoping they will take a good care of you more than i have been to u.be good to your new owner k...wuuuuuuu~. 

Anyway lets skip that hardest thing and move to the annoying thing!. ive been helping people out by them paying me to do their assignment. i mean im getting rm100-200 per question is not bad at all!( not complaining). dapat jua lebih pocket moneykan. so, all i have to do is do their assignment like english writing, management, admin..etc 2. almost everything other than math/finance/account etc2. so long story short- the usual assignment required 3000words/10-11 pages per question/paper. last month i was visit by this kaka. she asked me to help her with her english communication/oral speech, writing and principle management. since the beginning start suda berat hati cam ada yang nda berapa kena di hati kunun~. but that kaka asked me for help because she cannot do it herself because of work, family and shes pregnant. so, i said ok. maybe its my fault for asking her to remind me before deadline. but since that day shes been all over me on her assignment because she is "nervous" because she need to present that paper and i get that!..its hard to present something that was done by other people, the devil in me start whispering "maybe you would not be that nervous when you're doing the assignment yourself'.istigfar nurul...thats bad thinking!then suddenly she asked me to finish the assignment early because her lecturer want to check it before actual submission. so in hurry i have to find more information and more writing to finished her assignment complete with the powerpoint presentation. even after a tiring and long day filled with activities, i went home and stayed up all night try to finish the assignment. so..tada!!!its the day promised to submit the assignment to her. she texted me " so sorry, no checking with lecturer..im just nervous and want u to finish it early so i can be more ready with presentation..she tricked me!!! the dateline is 18 nov. its 30th freaking october! my courier service to overseas can reach faster before the dateline. and btw she just gonna submit it "online". will took few minutes! not hour!!not days!!how annoying is that.??! anyways...im just gonna keep reminding myself to be more sincere in everything i do and keep calm and just do everything, not gonna complain~....

lets get back to the story.so i asked her if i can just email the assignment and it would be mo easy and "fast", but again she need to meet me up so that i can explain to her about the oral presentation paper that she asked me to do.of course!!!!i need to explain everything.im the tutor now!!waitt..no! its my work! of course im the only one that can explain it. anyway, she text-ed me yesterday to meet up today to submit 2 English assignment because shes gonna meet up with her lecturer. so she asked me to also finish up the second assignment paper. again another no sleep night for me because i juts start on the paper and figured i still got plenty of time before the dateline to finish that one~ so in 2 more hours we gonna meet up. but guess what~she text-ed me again few minutes ago."i cant go meet with you today. i will collect the assignment wednesday and i gonna collect all 3 of the assignment..plss finish that one too.tq". what???now youre playing games with me!!!~ the other assignment is not due till 19-22nd nov. gosh!! its not like i have no other job to do! REGRET!!menyesal!!!. sibuk mo tolong orang lainkan. i knw shes paying me to do this but come on! what happen to early notice..im not a robot. thats the end of it!..after this no more assignment!! nda mo suda buat assignment untuk orang lain. and my advice ecspecially kepada PJJ student di luar sana. bila suda ambl keputusan untuk study.sebusy mana sekalipun..pleaseelah do your assignment/task yourself. barulah namanya study..if you ask others to do it for you. you will got nothing!! zero!!rugi belajar. ni yang di namakan sijil beli....and pengajaran for me. find other side income! not this! oklah this post semakin panjang and melalut..good day ppl!! now im sad and hungry!! 

blogger "attention seeker"??

salam all!! osonong kesuabon! its monday yippeeee!!!

its been a while. and i bet all my post were so limited edition hahahahah. i dont even knw what that means. anyway ive been super busy lately with life, works..etc. yesterday i was watching this program jamilah ( nda brapa igt plak nm program dia). they were discussing this matter on blogger as an "attention seeker". they actually agreed on that because..well blogging is all about expressing yourself rite~ i just blog when i fell like i wanna write something, generally about everything that i can share publicly. i prefer to write once in a while.its my way to release burden on my shoulder when im thinking to much. pouring it all in my blog is like a medicine for my stress and tiredness. sometimes my head is flowing with ideas and thoughts. jadi bila suda ada idea tu capat2lah tuliskan. my blog has always been a medium for me to remind myself of the great memory/past that i wrote. brings the old memory back..trus macam feel alive and naik jualah motivasi mau memajukan diri.hehehhe terus teringat my colleague punya iklan susu tidak rasmi " satu sudu untuk hari ini satu sudu untuk masa depan"!!for me by writing good memories could not get rid of bad memories but it really help cheering me up!and hen im reading it anyway this post must stop here. start suda melalut nda lama ni~