4 am

Its 4.02 nw. I still cant sleep. Ive go through a lot of thinking recently. Mostly about life. What to do with it. Why my love life a mess. Should i even care or should i let this go? What is happiness in life? Is it to able to be doing everything like normal people do? Go to school, work, got married, children, get old and then die? Hmmmm i once saw this quote "the people who are still awake at 3 am is either in love or lonely". Me? Im in the middle of both. See i got this friend who got his heart broken after his gf of 6 yrs broke up with him over religion. Things like that shouldnt happen. He is one of my closest friend that so close to my heart. What happen to him is very unfortunate and i see that he has change. He became quite heartless and shutting everyone in his life. When i say shutting doesnt mean like he wont go out and socialize or talk to anyone. He just simply shut everyone emotionally. Each time i tried to bring this up or anything regarding this, he would just be there and stay silent. Avoid responding to me or my text. He just text me just now and said "are you sleeping"? I said "why? U should go to sleep or else you wont wake up to work tomorow" and then he said "if i can sleep i would. Nobody want to stay awake untill this late". Nevermind. Bai. Somehow what he said just got to me. Maybe i shouldnt said that. I can see the sadness in his eyes lately and im dying to ask him. Are you ok? Please talk to me. But i knew that he will just shut me down. He and i used to talk about a lot of things. Bragging, talk about problems, and him being that person that cheer you when you feeling down and sad. Not anymore. We dont talk like that anymore and i miss that. I want him to be happy. Found someone and be happy with life. Thats all. But for now im worried about him. He is in a very fragile state. And no one can help him but himself. I tried talking some sense to him. But somehow thats not easy. Hearing and listening are two very differwnt things.

As for me, things are still the same. A mess. But im still breathing. And i guess thats matter. My family needs me. My friend needs me. So i stop focusing or thinking to much about it and focus on other people. I got an advice from a stranger. Yes! He said " bagus lagi kasi keras sikit tu hati, jgn telampau lembut. Nnt habis kena pijak yg sakit ko tanggung sendri". I got that mix feeling on his statement. Agree pn tidak disagree pn tidak. A bit of both actually. I was feeling down this past few days. I dont feel like talking or doing anything. All i want is to sleep and washed everything's away. I want to sleep on broad daylight and wont sleep at night. The sad symptoms. I even fall asleep at work and dont give a damn about anything. Just when i feel so gloomy and give up. I got a very honest big smile from a stranger. Thats just make my day today. Thats when i realized a smile wont hurt anyone. U never knw that maybe your smile could just temporarily cure some other people bitterness. A random act of kindness. Everyone should do it. Just smile no matter how heartbroken you are. You never know right.

Its 4.39am. it wont rain forever. Rainbows usually come after.

Wassalam