Sunday, June 4, 2017


May just left.  Its jun 2017.
Its ramadhan. I feel really blessed and thankful to Allah Swt for everything.  My life, my home,  family and friends.

Lets just say thay the struggle is real. Ive been so depressed lately that all i can think of the WH question. After everything that happen why? I tried to seek the answer for my question and wait patiently.  But he ignored me.  Maybe he got a change of heart. He left just like that. All i can think of is i used to believe that he is the person for me. He will never hurt me. He is sincere. Thru thick and thin. How wrong was i...

I never feel this way before. I dont really know how to explain this but i feel like running away from everyone.  I just dont feel happy anymore. Whereever i go or do. I will ended up lost and stressing over the same damn thing. I miss him. I want to call him and tell him that but i cant. Or maybe deep inside of me know that i shouldnt.  I already promise myself that i will try my hardest to remove every single toxic person in my life. For me. Im truly sorry for that. I dont want to but i need to. Maybe its not me removing you in my life. Maybe its me removing myself away from you.

I want to cleanse myself. I want to be happy again. Be the old me. People say fake it till you make it.  I cant fake my smile and laugh anymore. Every single night all i do is reminiscing and overthinking. I know that i need to stop pitying myself. Stop being weak. Allah know that im trying.  I stop talking about my problem to anyone. I keep it to myself and act normally. All i did is pray and ask Allah to ease everything.  He knows what best. Everything happen for a reason. Maybe whats best is yet to come.

Why im writing about all this? Because i dont know how to cope with my depression and sadness anymore. This is my only way and hoping this will ease the pain even a tiny bit. I refused to lose. I dont want to give up. Positive vibes... Thats all i need.

Im praying for forgiveness and happiness. Insha Allah.  Aminnn

Wassalam. 😄

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