i was distracted by my brother to continue my blogging activity. now.. where was i? owh yah. emptiness.
to be honest im lost. i keep asking my close friends opinion on this matter. and they all give me the same answer which is "LEAVE HIM", u deserve better. he is so unmature. he cant even take care or even handle himself . how he gonna take care of you. at that point im not even sure what to feel and do anymore. im hearing two different part of story and solution. my friends and his.
im still trying to figure out my move. should i leave him or should i be with him in patience facing his "PROBLEM".
So many question in my head. is he sincere? does he really love me? should i even care? what if hes not telling the truth? what if all he wanted is to have me and his ex both? should i leave him? what if hes telling the truth? am i that stupid? do i really love him that much? just so many what if and question mark.
every night in my sleep i keep telling myself. im gonna leave him tomorrow, say my goodbye to him and live my life. and woke up the next day with no courage or strength to do so. he keep coming to me. with that damn puppy eyes and pure sadness on his face. i cant even tell whether hes faking it or for real anymore. he become a stranger to me.
i keep myself busy these few days. doing everything i can to forget. keep myself together. spend my time with my family, mr ego and friends. yahh me and mr ego got close these few days. just all of the the sudden we start talking again after 4 months. he always thr to cheer me up.. to make me smile, nag me to stop being so stupid and open my eyes to other important things in life. yah shockingly he became that person... that shoulder to cry on at this very difficult time. why is that? maybe we just feel comfortable with each other. we talked for hours.. spend time for hours. we talked about so many things in life. our past, family, friends, and future. we accept the fact that no matter how much we love each other we cant be together for so many reasons. maybe we valued our friendship more than making things complicated by turning it into something else. i can see that he become more mature and wise( hahahah he sure gonna feel so damn proud if he read this). so many things happen.. so many unsleep nights ... so many heart to heart discussion... that separa sedar moment.. its best not to share everything here. id rather keep all that private. between me and him.
anyway, ive already made my decision... all i wanted right now is to be alone.. focus on myself and myself only. im not gonna lie. its not easy..im at a very fragile situation.. im hurt and still hurting. im just praying for the best. insyallah.
i keep myself busy these few days. doing everything i can to forget. keep myself together. spend my time with my family, mr ego and friends. yahh me and mr ego got close these few days. just all of the the sudden we start talking again after 4 months. he always thr to cheer me up.. to make me smile, nag me to stop being so stupid and open my eyes to other important things in life. yah shockingly he became that person... that shoulder to cry on at this very difficult time. why is that? maybe we just feel comfortable with each other. we talked for hours.. spend time for hours. we talked about so many things in life. our past, family, friends, and future. we accept the fact that no matter how much we love each other we cant be together for so many reasons. maybe we valued our friendship more than making things complicated by turning it into something else. i can see that he become more mature and wise( hahahah he sure gonna feel so damn proud if he read this). so many things happen.. so many unsleep nights ... so many heart to heart discussion... that separa sedar moment.. its best not to share everything here. id rather keep all that private. between me and him.
anyway, ive already made my decision... all i wanted right now is to be alone.. focus on myself and myself only. im not gonna lie. its not easy..im at a very fragile situation.. im hurt and still hurting. im just praying for the best. insyallah.
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